Sagebrush Variety Show: Songs

Zombie Attack

In the radio play Eternal Quest, billionaire PJ Dimdeed teams up with his employee's ambitious teenage son, Timmy Ratchett. Timmy starts a company that sells virtual gold to online gamers, but when the kids he's exploited unionize and leave him without free labor, he goes into a different line of business: zombie attacks. This is a form of extortion perpetrated using computer viruses to get thousands of PCs to access a given website simultaneously, disabling the server. This is done a few times so that the victim -- usually a business that does most of its sales online -- is desperate to have the zombie attacks stop and will pay any price.

We created a computer virus
And hid it inside a free game
Distributed to hundreds of kids
Who play it all night and day.

It's a zombie attack -- we control your PC
Remotely.

The first time they load the CD
And install the file "Slayers of Hell"
Our zombie virus is copied
To the hard drive of their PC.

It's a zombie attack -- we control your PC
Remotely.

When emails are sent or just surfing
The virus will copy itself
It's sent to every computer
And so on and so on and so on.

It's a zombie attack -- we control your PC
Remotely.

Then we look for a business depending
On their web site for most of their sales
Preferably one that's successful
But one that must, must, must stay online.

It's a zombie attack -- we control your PC
Remotely.

We send out a code to awaken
The viruses' other objective
The command makes all the computers
Log in to the same URL.

It's a zombie attack -- we control your PC
Remotely.

With so many hits at one time
Their server will crash and stay down
For days as they're losing more money
Their profits will come to a halt.

It's a zombie attack -- we control your PC
Remotely.

That's when we finally call them
And offer to solve all their woes
By agreeing to not hit their servers
With zombie computers round the world.

It's a zombie attack -- we control your PC Remotely.

For this favor we name a high price
Which increases the more they resist
In addition to launching attacks
Until they are forced to give in.

It's a zombie attack -- we control your PC
Remotely.

So that's how we ammassed our small fortune
Extortion throughout cyberspace
We do all we can 'cos we know it can't last
Till the Feds figure us out and break in.

It's a zombie attack -- we control your PC
Remotely. Temporarily.

Vocals, lyrics, guitars, bass: Gwen Sanchirico.

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