Sagebrush Variety Show: Songs

Bah Humbug

This song is sung by PJ Dimdeed in the radio play Snow Blow Hard: Xmas with a Vengeance, precipitated by Mandy Caraway coming to his office asking for a donation to her animal rescue organization. Dimdeed's reaction is outrage.

Why does everybody come to me for money?
It's not as if I earned my fortune to give it all away.

Oh, kind sir, will you make a donation to help homeless cats and dogs?
I will not part with a single dime, I won't give you a cent, now beat it!
Oh, kind sir, will you make a donation to feed undernourished children?
I will not enable parasites trolling homes for a handout, you sleaze

You're a slacker and a lout, you're a loser and a leech
You're a bumpkin and uncouth, you're a pauper and a thief
You're a shameless welfare cheat, you're a trite freeloading oaf
You're a money-grubbing ruffian, a smelly, dirty serf!

Why does everybody look to me for sympathy?
It's not as if I don't have feelings of my very painful own.

Oh, kind sir, will you make a donation to ensure the spread of peace?
I will not part with a single dime, I won't give you a cent now beat it
Oh, kind sir, will you make a donation to the victims of the earthquake?
I will not enable parasites trolling homes for a handout, you sleaze!

Just go get a job, learn to make a living
Everyone for themselves!
Bah humbug!

Why do wealthy men attract the beggars from the street
I only benefit from myself discipline and work

Oh, kind sir, will you make a donation to abolish public corruption?
I will not part with a single dime, I won't give you a cent now beat it
Oh, kind sir, will you make a donation to put an end to suffering?
I will not enable parasites trolling homes for a handout, you sleaze!

Just go get a job, learn to make a living
Everyone for themselves!
Bah humbug!

Vocals: Robert McMinn, Gwen Sanchirico, Kevin Bayhouse. Lyrics: Gwen Sanchirico.

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