Sagebrush Variety Show: Ukiah Digby for Coroner

UKIAH DIGBY FOR CORONER

Ukiah Digby for Coroner is a serial radio comedy-drama written by Robert McMinn for the Sagebrush Variety Show. McMinn, a former candidate for State Senate in 2002 and involved with nine other Green/Independent campaigns in Idaho, incorporates all the corruption, injustice, and ironies he has witnessed candidates face into the script. He also draws from real-life fraud cases committed by coroners throughout the nation, as well as exposing some unpleasant truths about the used body parts market. Thrown in are Idaho personalities, ranging from elected officials to media reporters to everyday people, as well as a mix of national issues reduced to a local scale. The result is an underdog hero--Ukiah Digby--fighting a villain in an entrenched system of favoritism and corruption. The more you know about Idaho politics, the more you will enjoy the characterizations in Digby, but you don't need to be from Idaho to be entertained by the story.

Episode 1: Ukiah Digby announces his candidacy for County Coroner, to the outrage of the 26-year unchallenged incumbent, Umatilla Kennewick. Umatilla calls up Ukiah pretending to be a voter urging him to drop out of the race. Ukiah sees through her performance, and Umatilla still tries to convince him to withdraw. Ukiah answers a candidate questionnaire over the phone.

Episode 2: Umatilla holds a "Flag and Family" Picnic for her voters. Ukiah and Marteline attend, only to be met with scorn from Umatilla and Linden. Children are hurt by a shoddy waterslide built by a campaign volunteer, Lodi Tundep.
The media downplay the incident at the picnic and even manage to twist it into a heroic act performed by Umatilla, in addition to blatant product placement. Marteline Mascarpone, Ukiah's campaign manager, is outraged by the coverage. She raises the subject of black-market used body parts. A German exchange student, Hans, volunteers for the Digby campaign.

Episode 3:It's the battle of youth volunteer power; we meet another teen, Ash, who volunteers to work on the Digby campaign, and is caught between two cultures: Bengali and Idaho. Hans complains about each of his host families trying to convert him to their religion. Taking the Digby campaign's cue of empowering youth and getting them turned on to politics, the dastardly Linden Cuttown recruits Claude Hairycoat as Youth Coordinator for the Kennewick campaign, who enlists an army of aggressively conformist "punk" teens to get out the vote.

Episode 4: The Digby campaign's road-sign crew, led by Hans, has a run-in with the law while putting up signs. As a result, a rumor is generated that the Digby campaign is run by Germans and Kennewick's campaign manager, Linden Cuttown, launches a smear campaign after enlisting the questionable assistance of Lodi Tundep (the one responsible for the unfortunate water-slide incident at the Flag & Family Picnic in episode 2). You can hear Kill Your Lawn, a song recorded by Ukiah Digby's former band Peabody, on this week's show.

the series has been re-numbered and there was no episode 5. You didn't miss an episode!

Episode 6: Ukiah cooks dinner for his image consultant and significant other, Travis "Bony" Moroni, during which Travis reveals his knowledge of Kennewick's extra sources of campaign contributions. Meanwhile, Marteline researches documents at the election clerk's office to independently discover Kennewick's shady deals. She gets a call from Linden asking her to meet with him to trade whatever dirt they have on each others' candidates. Marteline meets with Linden, where he raises the open fact that Ukiah is gay.

Episode 7: Travis takes Ukiah to an emergency dentist when his tooth starts hurting during their dinner date. The dentist turns out to be a non-secular one, asking very personal questions about sex and drugs on the medical forms. The next day, Marteline gives Ukiah a hard time about dating Travis, and they share their information about Umatilla's black-market dealings.

Episode 8: A pair of business analysts brings a stun gun as a gift to Umatilla, and again Linden must pull favors to keep a show of poor taste off the evening news.

Episode 9: Stan Papuffkey interviews Kennewick and Digby; Kennewick hires Papuffkey; and a disgruntled Linden gives Marteline some very interesting and incriminating information about Kennewick.

Episode 10: The Digby campaign can't get press even after exposing Kennewick's corruption; Marteline forces Digby to fundraise to pay for pamphlets; Kennewick fires Papuffkey for his betrayal; Digby's volunteers Joey and Ash go door-to-door and get chased by a security guard on a golf cart.

Episode 11: Election day brings last-minute canvassing, campaigning, and voting fraud.

Episode 12: The exciting conclusion of the series!

Cast of Characters:

Robert McMinn: Ukiah Digby, elections clerk, Lodi Tundep, Binky Sheds, voter
Tricia Cook: Marteline Mascarpone, Burgandy (hygienist), Hazel
Charles Grueder: Linden Cuttown, Kenneth, golf cart guy
April Hoy: Umatilla Kennewick, Ferris Kennewick, limousine liberal
Kevin Bayhouse: Stan Papuffkey, Breck (newcaster), Dr. Moses Phoenix (dentist), Harry Glock, poll worker, Lester, TV ad announcer, phantom voter
Jeremy Sinkinson: Travis "Bony" Moroni, Joey, cop
Kaitlin Woody: Elections Official Jenny Jett
Benjamin Groves: Youth Coordinator Claude Hairycoat, Squiggy
Kristof Bihari: Hans
Gwen Sanchirico: narrator, Aishwarya, Dana (newscaster), old woman, herself
Michael Badnarik: himself